1 Year Later . . .

It has been exactly one year since my grandmother passed away. I miss her so much. She is the 3rd grandparent I've had pass away, but the only one I've missed like crazy. She & I had a bond that was different than my relationship with my other grandparents.

My grandmother was my most favorite person in the world. I knew that from a pretty early age and I was always so concerned that it hurt my mom's feelings when I would tell her Grandmommy was #1 on my favorite people list and she was #2 (& now that I'm a mom, I realize it probably did) (& who keeps a favorite people list?! What can I say - I was born a list maker). Sorry Mom! When I was younger, I didn't really put much thought into why I loved her so much - it probably had nothing to do with the fact that she made milkshakes (homemade!) every night when I spent the night. Or that she let me stay up and watch Nick at Night. Or that she took me shopping or to the movies every time I visited. I just knew I loved her so much and loved being around her.

Now that I'm older and am a mom myself, I realize all the reasons I loved her so much back then and still do now. I've realized there are very few people like her in this world today. The most striking thing to me is that I never heard her say anything bad or negative about anyone or even complain about anything. I mean, think about that. I was 27 when she passed away. In 27 years, 9,855 days, I never heard her complain one single time. I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure I complain and/or talk bad about someone every single day. Wow, that is definitely something I need to work on! It's just pretty rare these days to meet someone like that. Granted, I didn't know her when she was in the trenches of motherhood with 4 kids, being a pastor/evangelist's wife, sacrificing everything for her husband and family. But the way my mom and aunt and uncles feel about her give me reason to believe she was just as great of a mother as she was a grandmother.

She was also the most patient person ever. As many times as she was around us, she never raised her voice or lost her patience. She always had a clean house and a delicious dinner on the table and was put together. She worked full time for Social Security and still managed to do everything she did without complaining. That is such a big thing to me. I work full time - my house is usually not very clean, I do manage to cook and do the dishes every night, but if I cook and then have to do the dishes, you better believe I'm bad mouthing my husband under my breath because I work full-time too, you know, and we should split these chores!

She was one of the most caring people I've ever known. I don't think she did anything without thinking of someone else first. She never said anything hurtful or inconsiderate. She was always thinking of others.

I will never forget the day she passed away and would give anything to have a do-over on that day. I had the opportunity to see her that day, but I was too worried about being inconvienced by my mom asking me to run medicine to the hospital, I wouldn't even get out of the car - I made my mom come out to get it. You see, I was running errands with Tyler and Brayden and I didn't want to make 2 extra stops. She went to the hospital with chest pains, they did some tests and released her, and she passed away when she got back to her apartment. Even though she wasn't in the best health, I was in shock. I honestly thought my dad was kidding when he called (not that he would ever kid about something like that). What does give me comfort, though, is when I saw her the week before, the last thing she said to me was I love you too Bethany.

I still miss her like I did one year ago. I still get choked up and get a frog in my throat when something reminds me of her. I still have actual chest pains when I think about the fact that I can't run over and see her anymore. I still have trouble with the Lord's Supper at church because I always think of how she used to drink the juice and eat the cracker as soon as she got it instead of waiting until everyone did it together when the pastor prompted us to (this was in her later years when she started coming to church with us, of course). I still can't see a pack of Certs (which fortunately is not often) without thinking of how she always had a pack in her purse and used to pass them down the aisle at the movies so everyone could get one. This list could go on and on.

Sometimes my heart hurts so bad, I can't imagine waiting a day longer to see her again. Oh how I can't wait to see her again. It's comforting to know she is so much happier now and she's with my grandfather, her most favorite person in the world.

Every day I strive to be like her. I try not to talk bad about people, I try not to complain when I'm cleaning house or doing something I don't want to, I try to be patient with my 3 year old, but it's hard. Really hard. And at those particular moments when I think of how hard it is, I realize what an unbelievable, incredible, unique person she was and I realize how unbelievably lucky I am to have had her as my grandmother. I know everyone loves their grandmother and thinks she's great, but I'm convinced I had the best one.