My Miracle

I tend to be a negative person. Instead of focusing on the things God has blessed me with, I tend to focus on the things He still hasn't done for or given to me. Most days I feel like my prayers go unanswered. Even though I know deep down that it's all in His timing and that there's a reason for everything, that doesn't make it less hard sometimes.

I've prayed and yearned for a new house. It hasn't happened. We don't have stellar credit, there's no way someone would buy ours, who knows if we could even afford another one, are all reasons that it has been put on the backburner. I've even prayed and yearned for enough money just to fix the one I have up. It wouldn't be a bad house and I wouldn't mind staying there for a while if we could just fix it up.

I've asked God to please show us a way to make more money so we can have another child. We live paycheck to paycheck now so I know we won't be able to afford another child while Brayden is still in daycare. I don't even know how we'll afford one once we have extracurricular expenses for Brayden plus daycare expenses for a new baby. So far, that prayer has fallen on deaf ears and even though I know it's all in His timing, it's still hard. Who knows, it may be in His plan for us to only have one.

But the other morning, I was driving to work after I dropped Brayden off thinking about what a great weekend we had and God practically hit me over the head with my negativity and showed me something huge. He's already granted one of my most requested prayers, the most important one, and I've hardly given Him any credit for it. I've just kept on living my life like nothing HUGE happened. For years, I've prayed for my husband. I wanted him to become a Christian more than anything, to know and love God, to be the spiritual leader in our house. I'd pretty much given up hope that it would ever happen. But my God granted me a miracle. My husband knows and loves God now. My husband will spend eternity with me. My husband is the leading force in the fact that we get up and get ready and go to Sunday School and church every Sunday. My sweet boy now has a daddy who can show him what it means to be a mighty man of God and will lead him into becoming the spiritual leader in his family. For years, I've done things on my own. Taken Brayden to church on my own. Gone to birthday parties on my own. I've felt many times like a single parent. But God has changed that! My husband chooses to attend birthday parties with us, he chooses to spend time with us on the weekend doing fun things as a family, he chooses to either go grocery shopping with me or watch Brayden so I can go alone (unless Brayden pitches an absolute fit to go with me and then I can't resist).

If you had asked me 2 years ago what I wanted more than anything. If you'd asked me 2 years ago which prayer request I wanted answered the most. It would be that my husband would come to know and love Christ. AND GOD ANSWERED THAT PRAYER. And here I am, griping and complaining about which ones aren't being answered. Here I sit wishing God would just please help me and hear my cries and give me a new house and a baby. All the while totally forgetting the one huge thing he's done for our family in the last year. That realization was all I needed to see that I don't care about a new house and I don't care if we have to wait a little longer for a baby because my husband, my best friend, the father of my child, will spend eternity in Heaven.

The crazy thing is that my marriage has been totally transformed as well. I love spending time with Tyler and while he's always made me laugh, he's had me in stitches every time we've been together lately. I get giddy thinking about the fact that I get to spend the rest of my life with him. I feel like we're in a brand new relationship. And, if you think about it, we kind of are. Because Tyler is a brand new person.

So, thank you God. I'm sorry that I've not given You the honor and praise for this miracle You've performed in my life. I'm sorry I get hung up on all the things You haven't done for me. Thank you for who You are. Thank you that You have a plan for my life, that You know what my days will consist of, that You are in control. Please help me to remember that when I start to doubt.