Tuesday, October 2, 2012

A Broken Heart

I lost one of my most favorite people in the entire world on August 18th. My precious grandmother passed away somewhat unexpectedly. She was 89 so she wasn't in the greatest health. She had been to the ER that morning and they let her go with basically a clean bill of health. Although she is the 3rd grandparent I've lost, she was the only one that was really unexpected. Like I thought my dad was kidding when he told me because it was so shocking. I've really struggled with her death. Honestly, I believe this is the first time I've really suffered from a broken heart. Like physical pain, take your breath away, wish it wasn't real, broken heart. I think there are many reasons I've been struggling. I'm a very private person and tend to keep my feelings to myself. For one, I loved her more than anything. Sure, as I've grown up and gotten married and had a child of my own, life got a little more hectic and it wasn't as simple as sleepovers and movies with her like it used to be. But that never changed how I felt about her. She was one of the most unique people I've ever met. Unique in the fact that you'd be hard pressed to find another person like her. She was the mother of 4 children, a pastor's wife, a full-time employee for Social Security, and one of the Godliest people I've ever known. She was the most kind, loving, thoughtful, generous person. I never heard her say one ill thing about anyone else. Ever. Just that quality is pretty rare today. She cooked, cleaned, took care of her family and husband, worked, and ministered without EVER complaining. Also, it was so unexpected, I didn't really get to say goodbye. I have some guilt about it as well because my mom asked me to bring my grandmother's medicine to her that morning at the ER. I had the opportunity to go in and see her one more time, but instead made my mom come out to my car to get the medicine. WHY didn't I get my lazy self out of the car and walk it in? It will always be something I regret. There are so many things that remind me of her or make me think about her and that makes it hard. The great news is we know where she is today and oh boy, does that make my heart happy! I wish I could have seen her meet her Lord and Savior and reunite with my grandfather. I know he's been waiting so patiently for her. She is no longer dealing with sickness or pain. She's not having to use a walker. The even greater news is I'll get to see her again. That's so joyous to think about, but it doesn't make the hurting stop.

I have been so lucky to grow up close to both sets of my grandparents. I spent the night so many times with my grandparents and made memories that I'll never forget. I didn't realize until I was older how blessed I am because of that.

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